IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve the sales of products that people do not really need . To what extent do agree or disagree ?

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There is no doubt about the fact that the sales of
products
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 are increasing with leaps and bounds by using advertising.
However
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 , some people opine that
this
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 can lead customers
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
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 unnecessary
items
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 which they do not need . In
this
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 essay , I will discuss
this
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 more in detail in paragraphs to come and explain whether I agree or disagree. The first and perhaps the most important reason for the disagreement side seems to be advertising can draw people's attention and it will be helpful for companies to sell their
products
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 . By ,
this
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 I mean that the masses are not aware of
products
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 which they really need , but banners , hoardings and social media would be helpful to get information about
items
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 which they
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 looking
for
Change preposition
for for
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 a long time.The second reason appears to be prompting the best stuff to customers by newly opened companies .
For instance
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 , if a company starts to promote their
products
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 through advertisements
then
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 it can sell them easily .
This
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 will help them to gain profit because , without the promotion , it will be difficult to compete in the market .
On the other hand
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 , if a company wants to sell their
items
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for gaining
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to gain
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 more profit
then
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 it will place advertisements where people go usually or for shopping .
Furthermore
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 ,
this
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 can grab the attention of the masses and will make them interested in buying so it would be a good strategy for making money.
For example
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 , if a person goes to the salon
then
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 his or her first purpose will be cutting their hair, but when they see any kind of advertisement for a cosmetic product
so
Correct word choice
apply
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it will create interest in their mind for purchasing it . In conclusion , I do not agree with
this
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 statement because it totally opts for the masses to buy
items
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 or not.

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Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main idea and clearly linked to the overall argument. Develop your points more thoroughly to provide a more extensive analysis of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a stronger introduction that clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Also, include a conclusion that summarizes your arguments and restates your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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