IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Scientists and technlogy experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

#scientists #technlogy #experts #society #musicians #artists
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recent development in
society
Use synonyms
 can be attributed to the advancement of science and technology. Even though music is an intrinsic part of our
society
Use synonyms
, in the 21st century, people have put more focus on science.
This
Linking Words
 essay focuses on two key features that aspire people to become experts in science than arts; the first is the monetary gain and the second is the ease of usage.
Firstly
Linking Words
, human
society
Use synonyms
 runs on money. It is imperative that when
Add an article
a
show examples
young adult goes out in
society
Use synonyms
 they can earn well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the currently available ,market there are far more jobs in the STEM field compared to any other.
This
Linking Words
 demand in scientific fields
also
Linking Words
 translates to higher paying jobs, for ,example doctors earn an average of 80k AUD from the start , in Australia. But compared to that, an unestablished musician
earn
Change the verb form
earns
show examples
 less than 30K AUD annually. Technology has made it easier to live life with greater comfort in general for human beings. Communications across the world are possible
due to
Linking Words
 inventions
such
Linking Words
 as the mobile phone. Plus the development of artificial intelligence has enabled the advancement of visual arts making human artists redundant. A recent study, from Melbourne university, made a prediction that AI will replace humans in the artistic world by the 22nd century.
To conclude
Linking Words
, technological experts are needed more in modern
society
Use synonyms
 and
hence
Linking Words
 are well-paid and respected. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 talented artists like Koren's band BTS are well respected and have a high income, they are few and far between. In my opinion, it is only natural that people will respect scientists more
instead
Linking Words
 of artists.
Submitted by veenanerul on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: