IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that Information technologies have more disadvantages than advatages. To what extent do you agree?

#people #information #technologies #advatages
It is undeniable that
information
technologies
 have important to living mostly,
such
 as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 able
search
Fix the infinitive
to search
show examples
interesting
Change preposition
for interesting
show examples
information
 easily and payment able transfer money through
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 app
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mustn't transfer through the bank.
Information
technologies
 make
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 convenient living
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but have disadvantages.
for example
, to cause some accounting officer is fired from routine
work
 because
people
 can
use
ATM
Fix the agreement mistake
ATMs
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 deposit and withdraw money.
Computer
Add an article
The computer
A computer
show examples
 is one of the best examples which prove how
information
technologies
 have more advantages than disadvantages. It is essential that support us since search
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
 for learning or writing
report
Fix the agreement mistake
reports
show examples
 until
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
 to working. Some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 learn at inconvenient
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education
such
 as have
not
Add the particle
tonot
show examples
 book
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
teacher enough to
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 until they were supported
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the government
set
Correct word choice
and set
show examples
 up with internet system for learning through
online
Add an article
an online
show examples
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
.
Moreover
, there is
also
 a system that reduces typing errors, resulting in reduced
work
 time.
Similarly
, in the side of medicine the involvement of
technologies
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
increase
Fix the infinitive
to increase
show examples
 the
patients'
Correct your spelling
patient's
show examples
 chances of
recovering
Replace the word
recovery
show examples
. Some
people
 are born with
physical
Add an article
a physical
show examples
abnormality
Fix the agreement mistake
abnormalities
show examples
 that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them unable to live like normal
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 until
technologies
 come to the rescue to make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
live
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better life.
For example
, hearing aids for the deaf.
In contrast
,
information
technologies
 are easily accessible to make some
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 deceived to give personal
information
 to bad
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 illegality.
Furthermore
, there is role-play be
call-center
Change the spelling
call-centre
show examples
call
Replace the word
calling
show examples
 someone
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 deceive to take money which is news recently. Most companies
use
 a large number of
technologies
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
reduce
Change the form of the verb
reducing
show examples
 time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working to increase
quality
Add an article
the quality
show examples
 of better
work
,
thus
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 fire someone for decrease
finance
Correct article usage
the finance
show examples
 of
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 to
be spend
Change the verb form
be spent
show examples
 on enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
information
technologies
. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
,
Information
technologies
 have
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role in
support
Replace the word
supporting
show examples
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
 of
people
 to be convenient in terms of education,
work
, and
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
.
Submitted by nakassorn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: