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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over whether or not to focus on families in the past.
While
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 some hold a strong view that it is necessary to research households in history, the opposite makes a statement that the present and
future
Use synonyms
 are the periods that we should pay attention to.
While
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 the former is valid to some extent, I would go for the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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historical time is of
essence
Correct article usage
the essence
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to make
Change preposition
in making
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 inquiries. Historical research lends a helping hand to people to have a deep knowledge of family trees and understand
traditions
Correct article usage
the traditions
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 of family, thereby they may preserve vocational skills.
For example
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, carpentry and weaving can be cited as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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remarkable professions which need to be preserved and passed
onto
Correct your spelling
on to
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future
Use synonyms
 generations to avoid disappearing.
Therefore
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, the source of knowledge in history is quite imperative.
On the other hand
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, in some cases, we should not dig into the family’s history but must focus on the current and
future
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. The main reason for
this
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 point is that the presence of the family is extremely significant for each individual in
this
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 day and age. They are the people who regularly present to give
family's
Change noun form
family
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 members assistance promptly when anyone in the family has great difficulty.
For example
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, some of those may be parents, cousins, siblings and relatives, who are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 you can turn to for help.
As a result
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, each person should concentrate on not only spending time but
also
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 looking after them to strengthen the bonds among family members.
Hence
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, the role of families in the present or
future
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 is the main aspect that they need to research. In conclusion, though understanding family in the past or in the
future
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 may have its own pros, I believe that focusing on today and tomorrow may be more important.

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Task Achievement
Adequately develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations that vividly illustrate each view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph management techniques to enhance clarity and flow between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include a clearer, more developed conclusion that not only restates your opinion but also summarizes the key points discussed throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure an explicit introduction and conclusion are present; introducing the topic thoroughly and concluding by summarizing the discussion effectively.
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