IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Education is the key that unlocks the golden door to freedom. A substantial proportion of individuals think that class companions have
more
Correct article usage
a more
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essential
Correct word choice
significant
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 influence as compared to family members. I partially agree with the given statement
and
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, and
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 I believe that both are vital parts of children's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. To commence with, adolescents are spending half of their time in school. They have extremely good relations with
class fellows
Check wording
their classmates
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. Students can either learn new skills or acquire new information. Videlicet, pupils are trying to help each other because some students cannot understand
lecturers
Correct article usage
the lecturers
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 in the proper way
every
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; every
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 classmate is trying to give
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
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 understanding. They can learn effectively with the help of schoolmates.
On the other hand
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, several peers are sharing the latest knowledge about
this
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 contemporary world. Some infants have hobbies to watch the latest news
and
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, and
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 when they discuss many topics in detail
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, other
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other
Use the right word
their
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mates
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peers
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 can effortlessly learn from
this
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 student.
For example
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, Oxford
university
Fix capitalization
University
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 in the USA (United States of America) revealed that more than two-fifths of juveniles are learning several skills from co-students
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such
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, such
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 as communication and interaction skills.
Thus
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, infants are acquiring several facts from batchmates.
In addition
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, the fact cannot be denied that parents are helping to give higher education in popular educational institutions
and
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, and
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 they are helping to give all these facilities in an easy way.
For instance
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, every family member is providing hefty fees
which
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, which
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 are required by schools and sometimes when adolescents are suffering from depression or anxiety. It is helping to relieve these
commodities
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problems
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 because these problems are quite common. Parents are making
friendly
Correct article usage
a friendly
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 environment and scions can easily obtain
this
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 environment. Mother and father are giving their best to their offspring.
As a result
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, they are contributing several things
without
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; without
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 these commodities
children
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, children
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 cannot learn comfortably.
To conclude
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, unquestionably, every scion can learn several information from school pupils and their family members, but they can effortlessly absorb numerous
utensils
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skills
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 from their
mates
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peers
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly present your main ideas in separate paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea that supports your argument.
task achievement
Try to add more examples from personal experience or well-known facts to strengthen your arguments and make them clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler sentences to express your ideas. This will make it easier for the reader to understand your points.
task achievement
The essay shows the writer's effort to balance views on the influence of classmates and parents, which is a good approach.
task achievement
The examples provided, like the statistic from Oxford University, are relevant and support your point.
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