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Writing Samples
Band 6

In the 21st century, many women have come out of their home to become what we call working women. What are the advantages and disadvantages of women joining the workforce?

#st #century #women #home #workforce
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We are in an era that many things have evolved rapidly. With
this
Linking Words
 rapid growth, feminism came into the picture. They have been given equality as men do, and
as a result
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, they are involved in every industry. It is clearer that most
women
Use synonyms
 have stepped out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 and started to work in
this
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 century.
Women
Use synonyms
 who joined the workforce, have
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a
contravarsal
Correct your spelling
controversial
 topic in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
 regarding the advantages and disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
show examples
 both aspects with examples.
Employeed
Correct your spelling
Employed
women
Use synonyms
 certainly consider
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a benefit in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 competitive society, as monetary value
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 the highest priority. For an instance, if a family migrated to another country,
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 few months will be challenging. There are some cases
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 men cannot earn enough money to feed their spouses,but having
a working
Correct the article-noun agreement
working women
a working woman
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 in the family
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 would make things
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
show examples
easeir
Correct your spelling
easier
.
Also
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, having
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
diversity in a working environment is highly productive. A good example would be teachers.
Women
Use synonyms
 can deal with children more than men does. Every coin has two sides.
Similarly
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,
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 statement has disadvantages too. The reason I am mentioning
that is
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 it will reduce the bond of the family. A mother
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the backbone of a family. As an example, if both parents
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
, it
affect
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affects
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 mentality and personal growth.
Consequently
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, children could get depressed or stubborn as they don't have their parents to associate with.
Furthermore
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, there can be situations
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 get harmed or abused by others at work. in result
mental
Change preposition
of mental
show examples
 health and
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 other problems that could occur in their life. In a nutshell,
women
Use synonyms
 doing a job is becoming a trend. There are plenty of female figures who
sits
Change the verb form
sit
show examples
 on top chairs in various industries.
However
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, both males and females should
analize
Correct your spelling
analyse
 before deciding to do a job, when they are having family responsibilities. If they can do their jobs
while
Linking Words
 handling the house responsibilities, it would be a win-win
situations
Correct the article-noun agreement
situation
show examples
.
Submitted by dmdeemanthakasun on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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