IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Increasing travels between countries enables people to learn different cultures or to increase tension between people from different countries?

#countries #people #cultures #tension
There are controversial notions heating up over the consequences of ever-increasing global
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
.
While
 some hold a strong view that
upsurge
Correct article usage
an upsurge
show examples
 in new arrivals will prompt local hostility against
visitors
, the opposite makes a statement that
this
 phenomenon facilitates inhabitants to digest various cultural insights.
While
 the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter.
To begin
 with, without a shadow of a doubt,
visitors
 are sometimes conflicting, opposing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lifestyle perspective of the nation they visit.
In other words
,
due to
 the cultural diversity and the different social
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
, foreigners and local dwellers feel unsuitable, or even culture shock.
For instance
,
while
 visiting Vietnam, since disobeying rulers and cultures of the local community, some foreigners from other eastern countries litter indiscriminately causing environmental pollution, which poses a serious threat to
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 living.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
travel
 development has a great contribution to some demerits to people between countries.
On the other hand
,
while
 the drawback of
this
 movement is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if its counterpart is ignored. The reason why multinational
travel
 would not bring conflict is rooted in the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the newly-various cultural knowledge for both locals and
visitors
. To be specific, it is obvious that
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 can easily have cultural exposure to
enrich
Change the verb form
enriching
show examples
 their own. The locals, in turn, by getting in touch with considerable global
visitors
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
 can dive into other cultures.
For example
, Vietnam, a tourism appealing country in Asia, often organizes some associated festivals for both locals and foreigners to have
cultural
Add an article
a cultural
show examples
 exchange.
Thus
, dramatic growth in
travel
 between countries can bring about tremendous benefits. Aforementioned,
while
 increasing global
travel
 may include some downsides
such
 as argumentation among residents from different nations, from my viewpoint, their counterparts like
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 exchange outweigh.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: