Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There are argumentative perspectives heating the debate over the concern of
people
to their family
. Fix the agreement mistake
families
While
some claim that investigating the history of family should be put into priority, the opposite makes a statement that the
attention needs to be given to the current lives and preparing for the future. Correct article usage
apply
While
the former is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of the latter.
Without a shadow of a doubt, researching family history is comparatively significant to the latter generations. By finding the
family trees and following the footsteps of ancestors, Correct article usage
apply
people
can make a valuable preservation of traditional culture, especially vocational skills. Pottery, weaving as well as
embroidering - long-standing
Correct article usage
the long-standing
occupation
of many families in Vietnam - can be cited as intriguing instances Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
for
the precious line of Change preposition
of
career
that Add an article
a career
need
to be conserved and Change the verb form
needs
also
passed down to the following generations. Hence
, protecting family tradition
plays a vital role in human lives.
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
While
the advantages of preserving the historical value of family are widely acknowledged, concentrating on family members in this
day and age should be taken into consideration. This
is due to
the fact that they are the people
who can promptly provide assistance when we are in serious trouble. To be more specific, parents, cousins, siblings or relatives are the supporters while
people
have to deal with financial difficulties by allocating money and giving valuable pieces of advice. Thus
, they are the people
who need to be focused in the form of spending time looking after in order to strengthen family bonds.
In conclusion, the concentration on not only previous family stories but also
that in the present and far future is both
imperative.Correct pronoun usage
apply
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Task Response
To improve task response, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. You've discussed both views and given your opinion, but expanding your reasoning with more precise examples and delving deeper into why you prefer one view over the other could strengthen your argument. Providing more detailed examples that directly support your stance will make your opinion more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. Transitional phrases can help guide the reader through your argument in a more fluid manner. Also, organizing your paragraphs to clearly distinguish between discussing the two different views before presenting your own opinion can enhance the logical flow of your essay.
Supported Main Points
To support your main points more effectively, include specific, relevant examples that underline the significance of each view. While you mentioned traditional occupations like pottery and weaving, elaborating on how these activities contribute to individual identity or community coherence could enrich your argument. Additionally, consider how present and future-oriented perspectives might be supported with contemporary examples or statistical evidence.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example