IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

ome people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#ome #people #workers #doctors #teachers #sports #entertainment #personalities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by society that occupations
such
 as physicians and professors need to be well-paid as they are more significant compared to sports and entertainment personalities. I totally agree with
this
 statement, so
this
 essay will explicate the reasons.
Firstly
, these given jobs are more crucial as here is solving the future of any individual.
Secondly
, individuals
such
 as teachers and other specialists have to study for several years to get a diploma and be well-qualified people. These days, pedagogues and physicians are low-paid jobs despite their importance in everyone's life. Teachers play a big role in any child's life, as they show children the correct way, nurture, and educate. Through teachers, kids can find out how to treat family and learn respect. Doctors are the most needed people as they are able to treat any disease.
This
 is
also
 a kind of talent because not everyone can do
this
. If we do not have medical workers, it would be easier to die even from mild illnesses. To explain it, my friend's uncle would have died from high blood pressure if it was not for an ambulance. To become a well-qualified professional, a person needs to undergo long-term education which takes several years. But regardless of
this
, their salary still stays low. Here, in my country, a professor may earn 3 million sums monthly
while
 singers and bloggers are getting at least 40 million sums. My cousin is working as a physician in an institute and earning only 2 million sums, despite the importance of his work.
To sum up
, doctors and pedagogues should get the same amount of money as singers or coaches because their work is much more useful than sports and entertainment personalities.
Moreover
, they sacrifice the longest period of their life studying.
Submitted by kaiakaya3002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: