Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a belief that
jail
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is not an effective way to solve the problem, and educational activities should be provided for
delinquents
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in prisons.
Although
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I believe that the authorities should provide education and job training for suspects, I
also
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think that sending them to
jail
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Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
is effective
to reduce
Change preposition
in reducing
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felonies. Putting criminals in jails is a good way to reduce lawlessness because of several reasons.
Firstly
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, one of the important reasons to imprison
delinquents
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is incapacitation. Take murders as an example.
This
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is a serious atrocity and it has a high risk for our society.
Therefore
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, murderers should be put in
jail
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in order to prevent them from killing innocent people. Another reason is that a penitentiary is an effective deterrence which can provide warnings to people who think about committing crimes and discourage people from breaking the law.
On the other hand
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, educational activities
such
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as job training and counselling should be provided to
delinquents
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for several reasons. Chief among these is that
such
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action will rehabilitate prisoners, which helps them to avoid criminal action when they are freed.
For example
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,
delinquents
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can have counselling with psychologists in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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prison, which helps them reduce their anti-social mindsets. Another benefit of offering educational exercise is the reduction of the recommit wrongdoing rate, especially for offenders who come from poor backgrounds. If criminals are trained in working skills and knowledge, they will have a normal life when they are freed. In conclusion, there are several benefits in terms of rehabilitation when offering education and job training in
jail
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.
However
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, jails play an important role to reduce future lawlessness and protect our society.
Submitted by totruonganspk on

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task response
Consider refining the thesis statement in your introduction for a clearer stance on the topic, perhaps by directly stating to what extent you agree or disagree.
coherence
While the essay has a logical flow, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly can enhance comprehension. Use clear linking phrases to guide the reader through your points.
supporting ideas
Ensure all main points are equally supported with relevant examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. The use of varied examples can add depth.
structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the main discussion points.
task response
Good use of examples such as counseling and rehabilitation offers specificity to your points, illustrating your arguments well.
critical thinking
The essay presents a balanced view, considering both the necessity of traditional imprisonment and the benefits of education and training.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • rehabilitation
  • punitive measures
  • mindset
  • behavioral change
  • workforce preparation
  • prospects
  • reoffending
  • employment opportunities
  • socioeconomic
  • low-risk offenders
  • serious offenders
  • balance
  • productive members of society
  • economic burden
  • public safety
  • offender rehabilitation
  • transformative programs
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