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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people who commit crime should be punished the same way as adults who commit crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #crime #adults
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In today's world
crime
Use synonyms
 has increased steadily with an increase in population. It is often argued that people under 18 who go against the law should be penalized in the same way an adult would be.In my opinion, they should not be punished in the same way. Adults are mature enough to make decisions in their life still make mistakes so what difference we can expect from young people
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 When you are young you tend to listen to your friends or perform a
crime
Use synonyms
 under peer pressure so
this
Linking Words
 turn's out to be not an intentional
crime
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 was done under pressure.
For example
Linking Words
, a friend stole a belt from a mall and the other friend did the same thing under pressure. In
this
Linking Words
 ,case a child should be given proper education of keeping away from his friends would be a punishment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, an adult caught chain-snatching a lady would be imprisoned for a few years
however
Linking Words
, as the kid will be under 18 would be given a warning or the police may teach him a lesson by beating him. Sometimes people suffer a lot of trauma in the early stage
due to
Linking Words
 which they turn out to be a criminal so making them learn a new skill in jail would help them get a job outside where they get to know life outside
crime
Use synonyms
outside
Change preposition
apply
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exists with hard work.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I oppose
this
Linking Words
 view as young have
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same punishment as adults when they carry out
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
severe violation.
Although
Linking Words
 offsprings perpetrate crimes, it is not the correct measure to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue as they are not enough mature to control their thoughts.
Hence
Linking Words
, they can suffer from psychological
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 if would send to jail.
Submitted by devikakapur92 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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