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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some countries people who visit art galleries are reducting. What are the reason forthis how can this problem be solved.

#countries #people #visit #art #galleries #reason #forthis
There is no doubt that individuals of certain nations
are being reducing
Change the verb form
are being reduced
are reducing
show examples
 in various
art
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
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. They are not being visited anymore.
This
 essay will highlight what are the main reasons and some potential measures to solve
it
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them
show examples
.
Firstly
 , the vast technology is being
addiction
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addicted
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of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 every person. They like to spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
 on phone screens.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 a mobile
phone
Add a comma
,phone
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 each individual can be watched
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
 world including arts, science and so on. Resulting of it, they are
loosing
Replace the word
losing
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 their interest in
art
 halls.
Secondly
, people have
time
 management , so
that is
 why they are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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unabled
Correct your spelling
enabled
unable
 to enjoy their own life . The mind is being diverted in negative ways owing to
their
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apply
show examples
personal mistakes.
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 individuals
have
Add a missing verb
do have
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 not proper
time
framing
Replace the word
frame
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 so they can be extracted some
time
 for
mind diversional
Add a hyphen
mind-diversional
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 therapy in form of
art
 which is becoming a cause of stress. These circumstances are causing of lack of
visiting
Replace the word
visits
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
art
 galleries. Some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 can be adopted to mitigate
this
 trouble. One approach is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
counselling . To arrange a
diifferent
Correct your spelling
different
 kind of seminars, so people can
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 more knowledge about
such
 activities which are very helpful and act as stress
burster
Correct your spelling
buster
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.
Moreover
, parents and teachers in childhood can be played a crucial role to
compell
Correct your spelling
compelling
 their children towards fun , like
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
art
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
 between
Add an article
a student
the student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 in schools and homes
by
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apply
show examples
guardians.
In contrast
, in
art
galleries
Add a comma
,galleries
show examples
 individuals have been introduced
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other people which is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 good initiative to create mutual understanding among them. Because of
gatherings
Add a comma
,gatherings
show examples
 they can be attained more ideas which are beneficial
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 growth and development. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
this
 essay will
highlighted
Change the verb form
highlight
be highlighted
show examples
 that
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 behind the happening are more use of technology and poor management of
time
.
This
 essay
also
 presented that solutions to
this
 issue are twofold: counselling and guardian support in childhood.
Submitted by davindergill98 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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