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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as tow thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #tow #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise
The phenomenon of an increasing number of children whose ratio of fat is over the
health
 line has aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as people's views on
this
 issue in question may be, I totally agree that education organization has a duty to help students maintain their physical
health
. Of all the reasons why
schools
 have a responsibility to help and force their students to form good eating behaviour, probably the most significant one is that the meals of lunch are prepared by the school. To illustrate, as a long time of lesson schedule every day, full-time
schools
 usually provided lunch for pupils.
Therefore
,
schools
 should purchase more food
that is
 good for
health
 and control the amount of food for each person. Another reason that should not be overlooked is that sports lessons should have homework likes
other subject
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
 in order to enforce children
build
Fix the infinitive
to build
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 exercise
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.
For example
,
schools
 would try the same way as English classes. Each student should submit their reading record every week.
This
 will in turn makes them establish a reading habit.
This
 method has been proven
that is
 effective by the survey results of recent years.
As a result
,
schools
 should trace their pupil's exercise records in order to improve their
qualitiy
Correct your spelling
quality
 of
health
. Under
this
 line of thinking, it seems to me healthy life is a subject that should be a part of education which includes the knowledge of diet and exercise. So, I agree that
schools
 should have a responsibility to remain their physical constitution.
Submitted by frankyimp on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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