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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US

the chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US
The bar diagram demonstrates the rate of cardiac attracts among
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States each year. In an overview, the
number
Use synonyms
 of attracts among male citizens is higher than the
number
Use synonyms
 of attracts among females.
Although
Linking Words
, the discrepancy
of
Change preposition
in
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 ratio decreases with the
age
Use synonyms
. To start with, Heart
Attack
Fix the agreement mistake
Attacks
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 among aged
people
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 is significantly high
comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to the
youngstars
Correct your spelling
youngsters
young stars
 and adults.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 1.2
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are
unfer
Correct your spelling
under
 45 years are going through the problem every year, the figure increases approximately four times high among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 of 45 to 64 years. And 4.40
Use synonyms
millions
Correct your spelling
million
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people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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65 years are at higher risk.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the graph has a positive result in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 who are generally less affected than the man. But,
ike
Correct your spelling
like
 the other half of the population, the rate increases in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
. Though only 3 thousand young
women
Use synonyms
 are subjected
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the health issue, 1.3
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 and 3.74
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 are affected at the
age
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 of 45 to 64 and after 64 respectively.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is
ovserved
Correct your spelling
observed
 in the state that males are at higher risk of heart attract in all
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
. But, the
number
Use synonyms
 increases dramatically among
women
Use synonyms
 when they reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, number, age, people, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 3 times.
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