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Band 3.5

Some people believe that technology has made man more social. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #technology #man
In
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 few decades, a bunch of technological revolutions have taken place. Some
people
 found that
technology
 has made
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 more civil. I totally support that thought because
technology
 gave us the platform to connect on
global
Add an article
a global
show examples
 level, which would be
otherwise
 impossible. First and foremost, some
people
 think that there are still a bunch of population left, which is not familiar
about
Change preposition
with
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 the everchanging technological advancement.
For instance
, old
people
 do not have any clue how modern cell phones work,
even
Correct word choice
and even
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 if we talk about millennials they are not as
pro
Add an article
a pro
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 to be socialized by the means of
technology
.
Moreover
,
people
 are hesitant to use it because of the inclination
in
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 cybercrimes, we hear in news almost
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 that how
people
 are getting scammed. On the positive part, It provides a global platform, where one can associate with another without any boundaries.
For example
, social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and many more witnessed
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
people
 getting connected despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their location and other obstacles.
Furthermore
, there are still
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
people
 who are
extrovert
Fix the agreement mistake
extroverts
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 or have a fear of speaking in public, so rather use
technology
 to be more social and
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 vocal about their opinions.
While
 discussing both viewpoints, I think
technology
 has proven as a boom to be more social disregarding distance.
People
 are gradually adapting
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
change and are not so rigid about it because they know it is a great innovation and is a need of
Correct your spelling
today's
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 era
Submitted by sharnthandi7 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social interaction
  • connect
  • communicate
  • video conferencing
  • stay in touch
  • online communities
  • forums
  • like-minded individuals
  • global communication
  • collaboration
  • access to information
  • knowledge
  • bridge the gap
  • social isolation
  • detachment
  • face-to-face communication
  • genuine human connection
  • maintain
  • real-life interactions
  • balance
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