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Band 4.5

Write about the following topic: "In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?" Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#topic #countries #people #privileges #responsibilities #age #sixteen #parents #responsibility #care #children #approach #milestone #lives
In many countries, young people are granted responsibility and certain privileges at the age of sixteen. The age can be called still young or already adult
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have parts of adults and parts of
children
. It shows us they need to be educated and responsible by their
parents
. To prevent
children
 from making mistakes,
clearly
Add a comma
,clearly
show examples
 their
parents
 show their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 with responsibility and privileges.
This
 is because
children
 grow up seeing how their
parents
 behave.
Therefore
, they need to check and behave correctly as one of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
civilians.
However
, when
children
 grow up and turn
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fourteen or fifteen, they need to be able to think for themselves so that they can act correctly as responsible adults in any situation. So their
parents
 must leave their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 and make the opportunity to think for themselves. In the opposite way,
parents
 can intervene in their
children
’s lives and try to control them until they become completely responsible adults. I think it is not wrong, because everyone matures physically and mentality differences and all
children
 cannot do the same thing at the age of sixteen. If the
child
 is already independent, the
parents
 don’t need to intervene.
However
, if the
child
 is not independent, the
parents
 must prevent them. In summary, I think that we cannot say how
child
 education must be.
This
 is why all
children
 are not the same and their
parents
 need to consider what kind of education is appropriate for their
children
 and how
intervention
Add an article
the intervention
an intervention
show examples
 is appropriate.
Submitted by z.pfister on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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