IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

New Technologies change the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages of these changes outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #change #children #time #changes
It cannot be refuted that new
technologies
 provide a convenient way to learn new knowledge about the world for most
children
 when they are free ,and
this
 reason makes some suggestible people form the view that the development of technology can benefit
children
 in their
leisure
time
,
Nevertheless
,
this
 state suffers from some misconceptions and should be checked out precisely.As far as physical
health
, mental
health
, and self-development are concerned,I firmly believe that the disadvantages of the change overweight the advantages.
Firstly
, Using new
technologies
 in
leisure
time
 could affect
children
's physical
health
. To be more specific,if adults don't allow their
children
 to use new
technologies
,
children
 always like to do some outdoor exercises when they are free, the fresh air and beautiful landscape would benefit
children
's physical
health
.
However
, if parents allow
children
 to use new
technologies
 in their
leisure
time
,
children
 would stay at their home and play electronic games or watch videos,which is harmful to
children
's eyes, bones, lungs and so on.
Additionally
,Using new
technologies
,
such
 as mobile phones, in their
leisure
time
 would be harmful to
children
's mental
health
.
For example
, there are a large number of rubbish information on the internet, and some of them even encourage
children
 to take part in criminal
activities
.
However
,
children
 always don't have enough experience and knowledge to judge and select information.
Furthermore
, It's really easy for them to trust strangers online neglecting the behind mystery.
this
 potential danger would influence
children
's mental
health
.
However
, a voice arises that new
technologies
 provide
children
 with an easy way to understand the world and broaden their horizons so that they could have better development. Ironically, using new
technologies
 in their
leisure
time
 could occupy the
time
 when they could take part in real social
activities
 and make real friends.During these real social
activities
,
children
 could develop their ability to communicate and deal with people, these good qualities would benefit them when they go to society and the workplace in the future and couldn't get by using new
technologies
.
Also
, taking part in real
activities
 and travelling are more efficient ways of helping
children
 to know about the world. In conclusion,I still firmly hold that the disadvantages of the change overweight the advantages.
Submitted by lindyz0624 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: