IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
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Recently the issue has been brought into focus is young people should be treated the same punishments as
adults
Use synonyms
 by the
government
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. Personally, I would argue that the authorities do not have to treat teenagers like
adults
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
why the
government
Use synonyms
 should not do that. One thing
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
of great significance is that
children
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 are immature and they just mimic what people do. Because they may not have
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 education from their parents and others.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can not control their behaviour and misuse of drugs and alcohol. The most familiar example of
this
Linking Words
 is in the US, teenagers who are
in
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apply
show examples
the age of 18,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will have an inclination to live alone, so they could learn bad habits from their friends
such
Linking Words
 as pulling an
all nighter
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all-nighter
show examples
 to play games and they
also
Linking Words
 could face some financial challenges. Probably, there is some truth in the idea that
children
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 could be suffered from some mistakes because of the lack of education. Another special consideration in
this
Linking Words
 case is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 negative influence of
adults
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. In fact,
children
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 develop their soft skills and social skills by observing
old generation
Add a hyphen
old-generation
show examples
 actions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the states should not treat them by the same
legislations
Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
show examples
 as
adults
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. They could tackle
this
Linking Words
 matter by setting a good example, encouraging responsible behaviour and reinstating firm discipline. It seems quite clear that it is necessary for the
government
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cooperate
Add the particle
to cooperate
show examples
 with
adults
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 to give them good
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 of behaviour
instead
Linking Words
 of imposing strict laws. From what we have discussed above, we may draw
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the conclusion that
children
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 should not be treated like
adults
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. I strongly believe that the
government
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 may solve
this
Linking Words
 problem by using
suggested
Correct article usage
the suggested
show examples
 measures above.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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