Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?

#people #government #money #artists #musicians

In the current world, there are uncountable creative population

such

as paintest, musicians etc. These

community

Change the determiner

communities

show examples

are divided into two groups one is rich and the other is poor.

Therefore

,many

people

say that government should give

money

wherase

Correct your spelling

whereas

where

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

are against

this

circumstance.

This

essay will provide reasons why I agree with

people

who support

governments

should not give

money

. First of all, many

people

support artists

becarse

Correct your spelling

because

they suffer from a lack of food and nobody have not experienced

such

detrimental issues.

For example

, Mehmet Akif Ersoy is the writer of the national anthem .He was a very poor person and he died from underfeeding.

This

problem feels very

upset

Replace the word

upsetting

show examples

Also

, these kinds of

people

will create lots of invaluable work, if they do not die from

this

issue.

Therefore

people

want to create funds from

governments

for seeing more literary work.

On the other hand

art

special

Add an article

a special

the special

show examples

thing that everyone can not

be interest

Change the verb form

be interested

show examples

in or understand so they do not want to use their tax

governments

for these

people

.All

people

earn their

money

with individual efforts, not

forwaiting

Correct your spelling

for waiting

help from anyone.

Moreover

, helping these situations can happen in developed countries because if societies fight

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

shortages, the government's first responsibility is

solving

Change the verb form

to solve

show examples

this

problem in all countries.

For instance

, any African

countries

Change noun form

country's

show examples

government's

responsibilities

Fix the agreement mistake

responsibility

show examples

is to find fresh water for the whole country.

Then

, they can create found for other stuff. From my perspective,

governments

should not give

money

to artists but they should build

art

houses where

artist

Add an article

the artist

an artist

show examples

can show their

art

and they find purchasers.

Furthermore

governments

ought to help

Change preposition

apply

show examples

charities which one work for an artist but

such

Remove the article

apply

show examples

these help have not to give

money

. In conclusion, with everything that has been done so far, some

people

say that

governments

should help because most artists die from shortages and they can not show their

art

However

, others say that there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

more important stuff than an artist, politics should help the other side and the arts are a very specific thing all

people

Add a missing verb

are

show examples

not interested in so

governments

should not give

money

Submitted by yunussemreozkaya on Wed Feb 01 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

343 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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The continued rise in the worlds population is the greatest problem faced by the humanity at the present time What are the causes of this continuous rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by the humanity?

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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