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Band 6

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples.

#people #money #factor #happiness
According to
 many
folk
Change to a plural noun
folks
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, prosperity is the single key to
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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life,
while
, others suggest that prosperity has no connection with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
joy and I agree with the same.
This
 essay will support my opinion.
Firstly
, following a famous saying that, cash can never buy happiness and it is a fact. Every rich is not a happy person. Staying at ease with the blessings of God leads to peace of mind and soul. Simplicity is the best to describe
peace
Add an article
the peace
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 of mind. To illustrate, in our surroundings the majority of
folk
 refer to the manpower class and they are the most cheerful ones, peaceful and happy even with no money.
On the other hand
, with the growing trend of globalization and improvement, everyone with wealth as many
folk
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that being wealthy is the only goal of their life that gives them satisfaction. Hereafter, it depends on the nature of society following
by
Change preposition
apply
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such
Correct article usage
a community
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community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 who prefer to expose their assets to gain the popularity that eventually gives them happiness.
folk
 consider the admiration attained by their wage as a happy moment, but in
actual
Replace the word
actuality
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 it is not true.
For example
, rich
folk
 feel proud of their luxurious lifestyle and branded things. They feel happy with
assets
Correct pronoun usage
their assets
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 and finance. In conclusion, I would say all wealthy
folk
 are neither happy nor
a
Correct article usage
apply
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poor
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
unhappy. Criteria of satisfaction are different for all and cash is not linked with happiness. Meet up with your caring family or maybe your best friend will make your life full of laughter
Submitted by inka.r.purba on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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