IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Junk food advertising has a harmful effect on society and should be banned. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#junk #food #effect #society
Recently, it has been observed that the consumption of fast
food
 has drastically increased all over the world.
According to
 some people,
advertisements
 are to be blamed for
this
 cause. They claim that putting a ban on the promotion of junk
food
 is the only way to reduce its consumption. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
 statement and will explain the reasons in the following paragraphs.
To begin
, there are several reasons why fast
food
 promotion must be banned.
Firstly
, children
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of their time watching television. Fast
food
 companies like McDonald’s purposely
advertises
Change the verb form
advertise
show examples
 through kid’s shows and
attracts
Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
show examples
 them into buying unhealthy
food
.
A recent
Remove the article
Recent
show examples
 research,
for example
, showed that 70% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fast
food
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 consumed by people after watching TV commercials.
Consequently
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements
 pose a great threat to people’s well-being.
In addition
,
such
advertisements
 usually never showcase their ingredients to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may cause harmful
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
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 one’s self or
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Moreover
,
large
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a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of sugar and oil added to fast
food
 could result in high blood pressure, heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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 and obesity. The sugar quantity,
for example
, is not included in a
Coca Cola
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Coca-Cola
show examples
 ad and people are unaware of how
such
 promotions can negatively impact the health of their society. Resultantly,
advertisements
 of junk foods may become a part of
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
 daily diet. In conclusion, I believe advertisement of unhealthy cuisine is not only harmful but should completely be banned. The problem of excessive consumption of junk
food
 can be
tacked
Correct your spelling
tackled
show examples
 if authorities could place different restrictions to limit children’s exposure and by informing the public about the details of what they are buying.
Submitted by kamran_lashari81 on

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