Some people think hard work and determination bring sucess. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some individuals opine that hard work and dedication are important for

getting

Verb problem

achieving

show examples

success

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

others argue that wealth and an appealing personality are more intrinsic to fulfilling an aspiration . My opinion, I agree with the former view because

success

Use synonyms

achieved from great passion and interest is absolutely worthwhile as compared to name and fame . To commence with the fact that

why

Rephrase

apply

show examples

some people have prior looks and funds for completing their desires.

This

Linking Words

might be

due to

Linking Words

the wrong assumption that everything can be gained by money . Many individuals who belong to high classes are not interested in doing hard work because they can get easily whatever they want in their lives.

Besides

Linking Words

, owing to escalated corruption rates in recent eras, individuals can get higher positions at their offices by just handing over large cash to their employers. One clear example is that high-standard people are directly hired by well-known companies without noticing their abilities for the position in order to raise the reputation of their workplace.

That is

Linking Words

why money and appearance are considered vital nowadays.

However

Linking Words

, some people strongly mention that

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

and dedication are imperative because of sufficient skills for any task . Many students are studying more in order to get the first position in their classroom and they will definitely pass their exams.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the large concentration towards anything will surely become fruitful one day.

For example

Linking Words

, my sister studied a lot in her high school grade and she got the first rank in her classroom.

Therefore

Linking Words

, personality and hard work are the main steps behind becoming successful.

Similarly

Linking Words

, I completely agree with these mentioned views . In conclusion,

success

Use synonyms

can be either achieved by wealth , appearance or by determination

whereas

Linking Words

,I vehemently believe that

success

Use synonyms

accessed through passion runs for a long time.

bandhana322Thu Feb 02 2023

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coherence cohesion

Improve the logical structure to ensure a smoother flow of ideas and arguments. Ensure a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion

task achievement

Expand on the examples provided to better support the main points. Ensure that all ideas are relevant to the topic and provide a complete response to the task

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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Some people think hard work and determination bring sucess. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables . Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.