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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe bicycles have a lot of advantages whereas others believe bicycles have more disadvantages. Discuss both and give your opinion.

As everyone knows,
people
Use synonyms
 pay less attention to cycling over the years, and some advocate that
bicycles
Use synonyms
 have more detrimental effects,
while
Linking Words
 others deny it. From my perspective, the benefits of
bicycles
Use synonyms
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 their side effects. On the one hand, ignoring the benefits of cycling is unacceptable. To be specific,
people
Use synonyms
 are able to burn calories and do exercises by riding a bike, and in
this
Linking Words
 way, they can keep fit without any payments for
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
 and technical equipment.
Besides
Linking Words
, using bikes is environmentally friendly since no
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
would be
Verb problem
are
show examples
 produced
in contrast
Linking Words
 with using cars.
For example
Linking Words
, if a commuter selects a bike as a tool to travel to his office,
then
Linking Words
 no air pollution would be created, and it contributes to his condition of health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cycling is not an efficient way in
such
Linking Words
 a fast-paced world. Specifically, scores of commuters, who are living in a large-scale city, are
enforced
Verb problem
forced
show examples
 to spend about an hour taking public transportation, which means the time cost of riding a bike would be much longer.
In other words
Linking Words
,
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are inconvenient for young
people
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is hard to keep
bicycles
Use synonyms
 safe when
people
Use synonyms
 are
outside
Punctuation problem
outside,
show examples
 as they might be stolen.
For instance
Linking Words
, a number of
bicycles
Use synonyms
 locked at the campus of the University of Toronto have been stolen every year. In conclusion, some individuals mention
bikes
Correct word choice
that bikes
show examples
 are beneficial,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, are unsympathetic to them. In my opinion, the disadvantages of bikes can be ignored by taking the contributions to human health and our environment.

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structure
The view is clear, but some ideas need a firmer plan and better proof. Add a stronger reason for your view and a better example.
coherence
Link ideas with clear words like also, but, however, and for example to make flow smooth.
organization
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Make your body parts follow this idea with a small fact or example.
grammar
Fix small grammar and word use so your meaning is clear (for example, outweigh and correct phrases).
content
Give examples that fit the point well and explain why they prove your idea.
content
Shows both sides and gives your view.
organization
Follows a plan with intro, two body parts and a ending.
coherence
Some linking words help the flow of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bike
  • bicycle
  • good
  • bad
  • health
  • money
  • cheap
  • cost
  • air
  • noise
  • traffic
  • park
  • short
  • trip
  • weather
  • rain
  • hills
  • safety
  • risk
  • crash
  • theft
  • lock
  • repair
  • tires
  • city
  • people
  • work
  • school
  • plan
  • idea
  • solution
  • improve
  • choice
  • benefit
  • problem
  • balance
  • view
  • opinion
  • conclusion
  • share
  • move
  • lanes
  • bike lanes
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