It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that
children
's development in society today is affected by modern culture,
media
, and peers,
whereas
others believe that family plays the most essential part.
This
essay agrees with the latter point and will illustrate that, despite how easily a child can adapt to their environments,
parents
are the first foundation who build their personality from a young age.
Children
are easily exposed to modern environments in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, especially with the advancement of technology nowadays.
This
constant exposure assists them to thrive in their daily activity. Most
children
learn about new trends by connecting with
media
, especially digital
media
. On top of that, they share new ideas
while
communicating with their school peers they build connections.
Consequently
, they develop a better understanding of their surroundings.
For example
, most Australian
children
have better cognitive improvements in technology after schools implement peer-learning techniques in teaching, as they receive feedback from their friends.
On the other hand
, family plays a major role in shaping the personality of
children
since they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
born. As
children
live with the morals and values of their
parents
, it is undeniable that they are the foundation that shapes the personality of their loved ones.
Moreover
, the contents of
media
and modern cultures consumed by a child have to be permitted by
parents
as they are the
guardian
Fix the agreement mistake
guardians
show examples
.
Therefore
, I strongly believe that
parents
influence most of the growth of their daughters and sons.
For instance
, most
parents
have strict screen time and choose appropriate digital
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
for their
children
to consume. In conclusion,
although
some stand for the argument that the environments around
children
are the major factor in their growth, I side with the one that believes core family is the most essential key for them to thrive. A strong connection from a family is the main key to the growth of a child.
Submitted by vanessaverill on

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task response
Ensure that each body paragraph addresses a different point of view and provides clear supporting examples for each perspective.
coherence and cohesion
Use more cohesive devices such as transition words to improve the flow of ideas and to connect different parts of the essay more effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
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