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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, it is common for families to run their own businesses. Some people think that keeping the business within the family is the best approach while others believe this could lead to problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that most individuals prefer to work on their family businesses to expand them. Some
people
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 advise keeping family businesses within the families,
whereas
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 some believe that
this
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 approach brings some significant consequences. In
this
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 essay, I will aim to explore both ideas and give my opinion. On the one hand, a considerable number of
people
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 advocate the inheritance of family
business
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 as a beneficial concept.
Firstly
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, it can help the family to make a reputation in the world through their
business
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. If family members continue their
business
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, it will positively affect their well-being in society.
For Example
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, an Indian businessman, Mukesh Ambani, got his
business
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 inheritance, and now they are one of the most famous families in the world.
Secondly
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, a Family
Business
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 can increase the richness and wealth of a particular family if they are running that by themself.
On the other hand
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, an equal number of
people
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 think that it can lead to some difficulties. It can break relationships and cause disputes among the family members because of their roles in the legacy
business
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.
People
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 start comparing themselves to others in their relations.
For instance
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, a survey by the Times of India shows that, in Asia, mostly big families broke their relations with each other because of their disputes in
business
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.
Furthermore
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, keeping
business
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 within one household can ruin the
business
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 too because it is not always sure that the next generation who is going to handle the
business
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 is capable enough to do that.
To conclude
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, both aspects have their own merits and demerits, which can not be ignored. I believe that passing on the family
business
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 should depend on the abilities of the persons rather than their relations because it is not only helpful for
business
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 but
also
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 for others to invest in that.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a more balanced discussion by equally exploring both views before giving an opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to highlight the main point in each paragraph.
task achievement
Good attempt at presenting both views and the writer's opinion clearly in the introduction.
task achievement
Use of examples like Mukesh Ambani adds depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Both introduction and conclusion are effectively used to frame the essay.
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