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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used to make money from tourists. Others believe that this is the only way for some places to survive in today's world. Discuss both sides and give you opinion.

#people #traditions #money #tourists #places #world
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The phenomenon of the impact of making tourism become a commercial tool on the local traditional culture has aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as people's views on
this
 issue in question may be, I personally believe that it would bring us a huge of money in order to maintain the power of government
for
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to
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establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
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 their policies,
however
, it may cause
an
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apply
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irreversible damage to the local society. On one hand, tourism definitely is a great method for the purpose of increasing the
money saving
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money-saving
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 of
government
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the government
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. Hong Kong is a classic example
for
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of
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this
 topic, a lot of people maintain their livelihoods depending on the consumption of tourists. It is a place that
lack
Correct subject-verb agreement
lacks
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of
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apply
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land with
extremely
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an extremely
the extremely
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 high human population which means the people living there cannot
self-sufficient
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be self-sufficient
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.
Therefore
,
attraching
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attaching
attracting
 of
fund
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funds
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 from
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a foreigner
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foreigner
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foreigners
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 is the only way to support the spending
on
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to
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survive
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survival
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.
On the other hand
, I believe that
this
 will bring
a
Remove the article
apply
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serious damage to the local culture.
For instance
, businessmen keep opening shops that target tourists in order to
attrach
Correct your spelling
attract
attach
 more
foreigner
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foreigners
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come
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to come
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 here for consumption.
Then
, they become richer than ever which
allow
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allows
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 them to
purshase
Correct your spelling
purchase
 more places to
expend
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expand
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 their businesses.
This
 will in
trun
Correct your spelling
turn
 make some
traditions
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traditional
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 shops cannot survive since the property organization would only be willing to rent out their places to someone who can afford the higher rent.
As a result
, those small traditional products will be disappeared and their story and history will follow the same destiny. Under
this
 line of thinking,
although
development
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the development
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 of tourism would bring us more income,
over developed
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overdeveloped
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 will lose the symbol and history of a country. In my personal opinion, it seems to me that government should consider
a
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an
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 approach that can earn money from other nations and protect the local traditional business from being destroyed by large organizations.
Submitted by frankyimp on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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