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Writing Samples
Band 5

Childhood obesity is increasing at rapid rates in developed countries. What are some of the causes of this problem? What are some ways in which childhood obesity rates can be reduced?

#childhood #obesity #rates #countries
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In developed countries, the number of
children
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 with
obesities
Replace the word
obesity
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 is increasing day by day. In general, the main
cause
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 of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the poor parenting style that most
parents
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 use recently. To reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood
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obesity
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 rates,
parents
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 should implement a stricter parenting style that forces
children
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 to have a healthier lifestyle. Some people may have a question about what is the relationship between poor parenting style and
childhood
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obesity
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will show the relationship and all practical examples on a daily basis. A lot of
parents
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 do not realize that they
cause
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children
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 to be obese. They allow their
children
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 to consume
snacks
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 in large
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
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 regardless of the time, with no restrictions, and no healthier snack options.
For example
Linking Words
, they gave their
kids
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 pocket money to
school
Add an article
the school
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 where the
kids
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 go to school without getting any breakfast from home or any meal box prepared. When the
kids
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 arrive at school they will buy any
snacks
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 that they love and are available at their schools.
Kids
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 will not take a look at the nutrition facts
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
snacks
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’ packaging. In
this
Linking Words
situation
Add a comma
,situation
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 they will consume anything that
favors
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favours
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 them including but not limited to unhealthy
snacks
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 with a high amount of sugar in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and dangerous handmade
snacks
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 at schools.
Parents
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also
Linking Words
 discourage
children
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 from doing more physical activity outside
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon happened as there is an increase in kidnapping cases recently. When
children
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 rarely do physical activity and consume a lot of unhealthy
snacks
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 they will
cause
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 their body weight to keep increasing until they become obese.
To sum up
Linking Words
 , when we take a look at the process of
childhood
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obesity
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, we can see that
children
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’s actions are the main
cause
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 of it.
However
Linking Words
, we have to remember that
children
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 do not have the same rational capacity as adults, and
parents
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 should actually be responsible for their
kids
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. If
parents
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 can impose strict rules
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 snacking time, give
a healthier snack options
Correct the article-noun agreement
healthier snack options
a healthier snack option
show examples
 to their
kids
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,
encourage
Correct word choice
and encourage
show examples
 them to do
moref
Correct your spelling
more
 physical exercises,
then
Linking Words
children
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’s body weight can be maintained and the rate of
childhood
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obesity
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 will
also
Linking Words
 decline.
Submitted by sagara.abhipraya on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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