The increased availability of consumer credit in some countries has contributed to the problem of debt. Who is responsible for high levels of indebtedness: the financial institutions that lend money or the individuals who borrow money?

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Many people have used
credit
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cards
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to buy everything they want and it can raise the debt. In
this
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essay, I totally agree with the individuals who have responsibility for the money that they borrow from the
bank
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. First of all, every
bank
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has many programs for all customers, especially debit and
credit
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cards
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that are used for transactions.
Credit
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cards
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are one of the products with many benefits for users
such
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as getting the point that it can be exchanged with other products. Unfortunately, many consumers can't manage their money as well and like to buy something without good consideration.
For instance
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, when someone follows their lifestyle and they are buying
due to
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advertisements, so they check out directly with
credit
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cards
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. After that, there will be big problems like accumulated debt in their
bank
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account, afterward some people are confused about how way to finish their debt in
credit
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. Absolutely every person has to be aware of financial management because
credit
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cards
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can have a positive or negative impact on someone depending on their lifestyle.
Subsequently
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, every
bank
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also
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has to control advertisements about
credit
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card products, because it can influence many people's consumption and spend a lot of their money. Actually, the
bank
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has a high requirement for someone who will register to be a member
such
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as minimum salary, permanent job, and historical financial. It's not just that, it has educated buyers about all the risks when they use
credit
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cards
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as well as
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making consultations for financial management. In summary,
individual
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an individual
the individual
show examples
has to be aware
and
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of and
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manage their spending
financial
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financials
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as well as
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banks should control and educate them about
credit
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cards
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with detailed information
such
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as high risk and requirements. My perspective is everyone who uses
credit
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cards
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, they have to manage their card well. Following that, the customers must consult with the
bank
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.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the main topic, but try to provide more specific examples to enhance your arguments. Include examples that are directly related to the issue of indebtedness caused by credit cards. For instance, you could mention how financial institutions sometimes entice customers with low-interest rates initially, which later spike.
coherence cohesion
Focus on maintaining a more logical flow of ideas. While your essay mostly follows a logical structure, at times the ideas jump between points without clear transitions. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. For instance, phrases like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' and 'On the other hand,' can be helpful.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your stance clearly. Your conclusion does this quite well, but aim for a tighter and more compelling wrap-up. It can still be more concise and impactful.
task achievement
In the future, try to provide more in-depth analysis for each point you introduce. Instead of just stating that individuals are responsible, explain why this is the case with more detailed reasoning and evidence, such as statistics or anecdotal examples.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear standpoint on the topic, attributing responsibility primarily to individuals. This is good for highlighting and emphasizing your position.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address the roles of both individuals and financial institutions, which shows a balanced approach. This gives your essay a more nuanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame the essay, giving readers a clear sense of the scope of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points of your essay are logically structured, making it relatively easy for readers to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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