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Writing Samples
Band 4

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. What are advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environment #pole #development
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It
is observe
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is observed
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 that with the development of technology,
scientists
 and
tourists
 can move to remote areas
such
 as
South
Correct article usage
the South
show examples
 Pole. There are both benefits and drawbacks, but I believe that the merits are
more
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apply
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greater than
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
show examples
.
To begin
 with, there are several factors why travelling to remote areas is disadvantageous.
Firstly
, the natural environment can be destroyed.
Scientists
 and
tourists
 produce rubbish during
the
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their
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 travelling, which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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will
be threw
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be thrown
be throwing
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 away by them. It
cause
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causes
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increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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amount of rubbish, and
it
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its
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result
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results
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 in
environment
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environmental
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 problems and wildlife
extict
Correct your spelling
extinct
.
Secondly
,
scientists
 and
tourists
 can be exposed to dangerous events easily. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not have systems
such
 as
accidents
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accident
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 prevention from wildlife. If they face dangerous events, they will
difficult
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difficulty
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 to receive
someone
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someone's
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 help.
These
Correct determiner usage
This
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 means, people can not be guaranteed their safety during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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travelling.
On the other hand
, travel to
remote
Add an article
the remote
show examples
 natural
environment
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environments
show examples
 is beneficial to
scientists
 and
tourists
. First of all, they can increase their knowledge. There are
many
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much
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wildlife
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of wildlife
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,
which
Correct word choice
that
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 they have not known before.
Therefore
,
scientists
 and
tourists
 can expand their knowledge
as well as
 broaden their horizons.
In addition
, they can have various experiences.
Tourists
 can have all lifetime of experience. In the case of
scientists
, they can publish new
reaserch
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research
paper
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papers
show examples
.
Such
 experiences will be motivated
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them for
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for
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in
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 their life. In conclusion,
although
 there are several demerits, travelling
remote
Change preposition
to remote
show examples
 areas is beneficial.
Thus
,
scientists
 and
tourists
 should be
encouarged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
 to travel.
Submitted by yoohj0802 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote natural environment
  • scientific research
  • climate change
  • environmental preservation
  • economic benefits
  • conservation efforts
  • habitat disruption
  • pollution
  • cultural disruption
  • indigenous populations
  • commercialization
  • safety risks
  • personal enrichment
  • ecosystems
  • awareness
  • appreciation for nature
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