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Band 4.5

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people.what the possible causes of this trend, and what solutions would be effective in reducing crime

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
Some people assumed that crime is rising in most countries around the world, and the number of young people involved is increasing. The causes of
this
 appear to be focussed on three areas, and a number of solutions
also
 appear to be possible. Perhaps the major factor here is the less supervised young adults in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For instance
, if both
parents
 are working. There will be no proper supervision
with
Change preposition
of
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 the young adults. They just occupied themselves by watching television which might
content
Replace the word
contain
show examples
 inappropriate
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 to be a good citizen and end up applying it in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
This
 pattern appears to be global, with the results that the
parents
 can not focus on their
children
Change noun form
children's
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 behaviour or even
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not know what are they doing when they are not at home. Another cause is maybe peer pressure when they tend
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to blend in with their friend. They are not a part of the group if they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 cooperate in doing mischievous things. Turning to possible solutions, an obvious step would be to encourage young children to participate in some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 after
school
.
For instance
, if they love playing sports or
theater
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theatre
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 play,
this
 can help them focus
in
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on
show examples
 some activities that will help them to develop a skill and at the same time
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
them not focus on doing some crimes. A second remedy might be is having a short course included
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 curriculum regarding the output of doing bad behaviours to discourage
this kids
Change the determiner
this kid
these kids
show examples
on
Change preposition
from
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 doing it.
Finally
,
parents
 should allocate some of their time to make sure their children are not going on the wrong path. They might consider a regular family getaway so they can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time with them and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not feel aloft to each other.
Im
Correct your spelling
In
 summary, the lack of supervision from
parents
 and peer pressure appear to be the main causes. A coordinated response by immediate family,
after
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
school
 group and
school
Add the comma(s)
,school
show examples
 may well lessen the severity of the situation.
Submitted by Maria_magsakay on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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