IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drinks products contain high levels of sugar, which casuses many health problmes. Sugar products should be made more expensive to encourge people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or diagree?

#food #drinks #products #levels #sugar #casuses #health #problmes #encourge #people #diagree
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Some
people
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believes
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believe
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 that companies that produce
products
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 with high sugar content should
increased
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increase
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 their
tax
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 which may discourage consumers. It seems that it is
undeniable
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undeniably
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 a good approach to tackle the problem. The main obstacle would be is the resistance of
people
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 who love buying
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this product
these products
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products
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 against the rule makers. They may think it will be a punishment
on
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for
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 them if
this
Linking Words
 said product will double or triple the price in one night.
This
Linking Words
 can give a big dent
on
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in
show examples
Add an article
a there
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there
Correct your spelling
their
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 daily budget and worse that they might suffer some withdrawal
symptom
Fix the agreement mistake
symptoms
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. Once they can not afford to purchase
this
Linking Words
 sugary food and drinks. It is
enescapable
Correct your spelling
inescapable
 fact that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of us consumed it
during
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on
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especial
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special
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 occasions so I assumed everybody will be affected. Admittedly, It appears that there are many benefits
of
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to
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 increasing the
tax
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 on these
products
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.
Firstly
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, I believe in the saying prevention is better than cure.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 if we can minimally or even totally
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not
consumes
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consume
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Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this product
these products
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products
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, the chance of having diseases like diabetes can be prevented. That may save us
in
Change preposition
from
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 buying drug maintenance in the future.
Secondly
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, I assumed the more expensive it is the
less
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fewer
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people
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 will purchase it. At the moment I think not all
people
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 will like to eat a massive chocolate bar but because of its price especially on sale, the temptation is high.
Finally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 might encourage the owners of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 companies to invest in some healthy
products
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instead
Linking Words
, if
there
Replace the word
their
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 revenue will
be lessen
Change the verb form
be lessened
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due to
Linking Words
 the burden of additional
tax
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. To summarize, it seems reasonable to add
additional
Add an article
an additional
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tax
Use synonyms
 for
products
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 with
high
Add an article
a high
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 concentration of sugar because it
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
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it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 disadvantages.
Submitted by Maria_magsakay on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured food and drinks
  • high levels of sugar
  • health problems
  • sugar products
  • consume less sugar
  • made more expensive
  • discourage consumption
  • contribute to
  • other factors
  • generate revenue
  • low-income individuals
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