Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, like the Olympic or the Olympics or the World Cup. Therefore, it is necessary to offer money to encourage children to exercise more? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that
children
should be made capable of participating
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
these
events
as these
events
are of national importance. Participation
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
these
events
provides an opportunity for a country not only to showcase
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
talent
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
the international platform but
also
to enhance its image in front of the world.
Therefore
, to enhance
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
reputation, capable athletes who are on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
par with international standards are required. Only if the countries encourage the
children
by offering
money
to do more
exercise
, can they be made capable of participating in these
events
.
Thus
, it is necessary to motivate the
children
to do more
exercise
so that they can participate in these
events
.
Furthermore
, offering
money
to encourage
children
to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
and to prepare them for these international
events
is necessary as it might change the mind of people, especially parents. Parents do not prefer their
children
to pursue a career in
sports
fields. If the
children
are given
money
to train, parents might allow their
children
to participate in
sports
.
For example
, developing countries like the United Kingdom tend to provide various
sports
scholarships to their
children
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
As a result
, more
children
like to participate in and pursue their careers in
sports
.
Therefore
, the government needs to change the mind of people by sponsoring
children
to do more
exercise
. In conclusion, I believe that it is important for various countries to train their athletes for international sporting
events
.
Children
should be prepared to participate in these
events
by offering them
money
to
exercise
more.
Submitted by sujitharavi85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: