IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many countries invest money to prepare competitors to join top competitions, like the Olympic or the Olympics or the World Cup. Therefore, it is necessary to offer money to encourage children to exercise more? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that
children
Use synonyms
 should be made capable of participating
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these
events
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 as these
events
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 are of national importance. Participation
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 these
events
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 provides an opportunity for a country not only to showcase
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 talent
at
Change preposition
on
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 the international platform but
also
Linking Words
 to enhance its image in front of the world.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to enhance
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 reputation, capable athletes who are on
a
Correct article usage
apply
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par with international standards are required. Only if the countries encourage the
children
Use synonyms
 by offering
money
Use synonyms
 to do more
exercise
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, can they be made capable of participating in these
events
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is necessary to motivate the
children
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 to do more
exercise
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 so that they can participate in these
events
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, offering
money
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 to encourage
children
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 to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 and to prepare them for these international
events
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 is necessary as it might change the mind of people, especially parents. Parents do not prefer their
children
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 to pursue a career in
sports
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 fields. If the
children
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 are given
money
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 to train, parents might allow their
children
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 to participate in
sports
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.
For example
Linking Words
, developing countries like the United Kingdom tend to provide various
sports
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 scholarships to their
children
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 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
As a result
Linking Words
, more
children
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 like to participate in and pursue their careers in
sports
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government needs to change the mind of people by sponsoring
children
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 to do more
exercise
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. In conclusion, I believe that it is important for various countries to train their athletes for international sporting
events
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.
Children
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 should be prepared to participate in these
events
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 by offering them
money
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
 more.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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