IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Video records are a better way to learn about the way other people in the world live rather than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that one of the efficient methods to
gain
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knowledge
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 about other
people
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 around the world is watching video
clips
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.
Although
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 there are demerits which can be seen
while
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 learning through
videos
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, I agree that watching
clips
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 is an effective way to
gain
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knowledge
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. On the one hand, it might not be an effective way to learn about the lives of other
people
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 in the world using
videos
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.
To begin
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 with, there are some who do not have a chance to approach technology. Learning through video
clips
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 means learners have to use modern technology devices.
As a result
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, those who do not have enough money to purchase technology devices might not be able to
gain
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knowledge
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 by watching
clips
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.
For instance
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, the poor, who usually do not have much money may find it hard to own electronic devices.
On the other hand
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, I am strongly convinced that it could be more efficient to learn about other
people
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’s lives through
videos
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. First and foremost,
videos
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 are easier for learners to understand.
This
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 is mainly because
while
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 watching
clips
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,
people
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 can understand the content better thanks to the images shown in the
videos
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. To illustrate
this
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 point, children might have a wide range of
knowledge
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 about animals just by watching documentaries about animal species.
Secondly
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,
people
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 may be more concentrated when watching
videos
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 than reading books. The main reason for
this
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 is that the images and the sound coming from these might attract viewers' attention.
As a result
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,
videos
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 could be more effective in conveying ideas compared to books and other written documents. In conclusion,
although
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 there are drawbacks to learning about other
people
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’s lives by watching video records, it is my firm belief that it could be more efficient for
people
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 to learn and
gain
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knowledge
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 through
videos
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.

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task response
Good job providing a well-structured essay with clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that your points are presented in a more balanced manner with equal weight on both agreeing and disagreeing aspects.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well-maintained with a clear introduction and conclusion. Use appropriate linking words to enhance coherence and cohesion in your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • visual and auditory
  • cultural practices
  • daily routines
  • real-time
  • emotions and reactions
  • immersive learning experience
  • detailed information
  • visual and emotional impact
  • nuances and complexities
  • enhance our understanding
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