It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
A group of kids use their smartphones more than
desire
Wrong verb form
desired
time
and there are many reasons are
being occurred, Correct pronoun usage
that are
so that
despite Correct word choice
apply
of
merits Change preposition
apply
children
are suffering negative effects. I will discuss about
relevant points Remove the preposition
apply
along with
precise examples and backup
my view.
First of all, now modernized families most of the guardians used to busy Correct your spelling
back up
in
their personal work, Change preposition
with
as a result
, they do not provide enough time
to
their family, that's why Change preposition
for
children
have to leave alone and their aloneness remove by smartphone
.
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
For example
, when father
and mother are used to Correct article usage
a father
Add a missing verb
being busy
busy
Change the verb form
busying
to
their job and personal activities, Change preposition
with
where as
they do not provide enough Correct your spelling
whereas
time
to their children
according to
their needs that's time
guardians gives they are mobile phone to their Correct article usage
the time
children
as
they do not disturb they are guardians.
Correct word choice
so
Secondly
, there are lots of contains have
in smartphones which more than Add the particle
to have
expectation
, so Replace the word
expected
that
when Correct word choice
apply
children
are scrolling their phone
, they are spending more Fix the agreement mistake
phones
time
out of Correct pronoun usage
their mind
mind
, and Fix the agreement mistake
minds
due to
huge
information Correct article usage
the huge
the
Correct your spelling
they
using
their Wrong verb form
use
smartphone
unlimited. Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
For instance
, when my children
are used
my Change the verb form
have used
smartphone
they use over
Correct pronoun usage
it over
time
due to
lots of informations
.
in order to address Change the wording
information
pieces of information
children
and community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
are
suffering Unnecessary verb
apply
descirit
types of Correct your spelling
dessert
problems
.
First of all, due to
long
Correct article usage
the long
time
use of smartphones, children
are suffering varieties of health problems
and most of the diseases are reversible, moreover
, due to
fact
that not only suffering clients but Correct article usage
the fact
also
they are communities and family also
. this
can be examplified
by Correct your spelling
exemplified
that
using Correct determiner usage
apply
smartphone
long Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
time
most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
are suffering eye problems
and it drastically affected their vision.
Besides
, long
Add a hyphen
long-time
time
smartphone
using
causes, Wrong verb form
use
children
are not giving
much attention to their Change the verb form
to give
study
and Fix the agreement mistake
studies
there
activities Replace the word
their
also
. As a consequence
, they are not getting expected
Correct article usage
the expected
result
in their exam.
In conclusion, it is obvious that Fix the agreement mistake
results
due to
nuclear
family and reduce available Correct article usage
the nuclear
field
for playing games, Fix the agreement mistake
fields
children
are hooked at
Change preposition
on
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
hence
they are suffering different types of problems
.Submitted by kazishihab on
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Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.