IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping?

#pastime #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary epoch,there is
heated
Add an article
a heated
the heated
show examples
 argument over the
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 that marketing has become a best-loved
time
Use synonyms
 pass among young individuals.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
eleborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
reasons
Change preposition
on reasons
show examples
 for the same in upcoming paragraphs.which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a logical conclusion. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 adequate evidence of
this
Linking Words
 view.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
 are substantial the
top notch
Add a hyphen
top-notch
show examples
 reason is that shopping is
way
Use synonyms
 to best
time
Use synonyms
 spend in free
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,when individuals do not have to do anything in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 they think too much
as well as
Linking Words
 they mostly get confused so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marketing is the
way
Use synonyms
 that people get refreshed their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and relax their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.Adding more to it nowadays in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the society there were a lot of shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 were opened as
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 a lot of masses were visited for shopping in the mall and
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 regular days all new trends
were came
Change the verb form
came
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 very different varieties of clothes,shoes,wallets and so many think which can attract to people and compelled to buy the stuff. Others with distinct view opine that
according to
Linking Words
 me individual should have to do participate in some particular activities rather than do shopping like music,painting,drama etc.
Moreover
Linking Words
,playing
sports
Use synonyms
 is the best
way
Use synonyms
 to spend their free
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are significant benefits of playing
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as playing
sports
Use synonyms
 can help them to increase their working stamina
as well as
Linking Words
 people always make themselves fit and fine and active in their daily life.
Consequently
Linking Words
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
 or music or other activities
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will help
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
make their career in some of that
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
.whilst doing shopping is a waste of money and
time
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 era.
To conclude
Linking Words
 well in my opinion shopping is
also
Linking Words
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 to spend their pastime but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should have to hold some leisure activities
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every week so individuals have to spend their best
time
Use synonyms
 in
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
way
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sharma1997.rahulthakur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: