IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Gender equality has not been achieved in our society. Women still do not have the same rights and opportunities as men. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#gender #equality #society #women #rights #opportunities #men
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It is observed that the equality of
gender
Use synonyms
 is not solved yet, so many
women
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 suffer from inequality
such
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 as the guarantee of
rights
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 and
opportunities
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. I disagree with
this
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 opinion.
To begin
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 with, there are several factors why
women
Use synonyms
 do not have the same
rights
Use synonyms
 as men.
Firstly
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 still have stereotypes about
women
Use synonyms
's roles in their families. A lot of families have each
roles
Change to a singular noun
role
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as doing household, earning money, educating their kids and so on.
Although
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stereotype
Add an article
the stereotype
show examples
 is an essential problem between
gender
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 in the past, it is not been solved yet.
Therefore
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,
women
Use synonyms
 still suffer from stereotypes, which many older
people
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 have.
Secondly
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,
women
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 cannot be provided
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 same job
opportunities
Use synonyms
 compared to men. If
women
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 get married, they will give up their job and career. So many employers do not prefer to employ
women
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.
Such
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 a situation shows a lack of
women
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's job
opportunities
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 .
On the other hand
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, more and more
women
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 have the same
rights
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 and
opportunities
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 as men.
First,
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in modern society, there are a lot of
women
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 who work at
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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. There are many
women
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 with good abilities these days
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they try to increase their knowledge and get high qualifications. These
women
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 can work at a major company.
In addition
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, more and more the inequality of
gender
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 is disappearing. In modern society, many
people
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 try to stop the inequality of
gender
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.
For example
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, they hold a demonstration and demand the guarantee of basic
rights
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. It is a positive way that
people
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 can change their stereotypes. In conclusion,
although
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 some
women
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 cannot be guaranteed their
rights
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, it is better than before.
Thus
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, I disagree with
this
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 opinion.
Submitted by yoohj0802 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • wage gap
  • gender parity
  • glass ceiling
  • gender discrimination
  • equal opportunities
  • patriarchal society
  • empowerment
  • stereotypes
  • work-life balance
  • inclusive policies
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