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Band 3.5

Although family has a great influence on children’s life, it is the influence of outside the home that plays a bigger part in their development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#influence #children’s #life #home #part #development
Not only are
children
 influenced by family, but they are
also
 formed by the environment which some people believe external factors take a bigger role. I argue the statement that I personally believe
inner
Correct article usage
the inner
show examples
 circle is the major factor that
build
Change the verb form
builds
show examples
children
's character and how to socialize outside the
home
.
To begin
,
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 at
home
 determines
children
's development
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 characters.
Children
 tend to copy other people and
absorp
Correct your spelling
absorb
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 their primary interaction is with the family.
In other words
, a communicative family
resulting
Wrong verb form
results
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
broad-minded
children
due to
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of interactions and exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 perspectives at
home
.
Moreover
,
children
unconciously
Correct your spelling
unconsciously
 learn norms by observing the interactions
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
 members of the family.
Therefore
, they are aware
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 to behave with other people in the community.
For instance
, they are able to communicate properly both with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 elders and peers
due to
 observation at
home
 perhaps between parents and siblings. In conclusion, kids learn about
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 from any
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
 they could
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
interact
Change the form of the verb
interacted
show examples
 with.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the ground influence comes within the family,
while
 others
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a form
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 adaptive as a human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
Submitted by sarahislamiati on

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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