The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience
It is true that the main goal of all businesses is to earn money, in my ,opinion there are both positive and negative effects
In our ,world the majority of entrepreneurs are in constant competition and they have to do all they can to don't go bankrupt . 
Firstly
 , it can be known that one of the most popular types of activity in many countries is entrepreneurship,Linking Words
therefore
 , if a person wants to make their own Linking Words
business
 he will face  many competitors , who want to become monopolists in the field where he works. Use synonyms
Secondly
 , the government  often makes its own fences for entrepreneurs through by  introduction of new taxes. Linking Words
For example
 , if the average individual wants to Linking Words
make
 his own Verb problem
start
business
 he will  face challenges from both sides : the competitors and the government 
Use synonyms
On the other hand
 , if the businessman  wants a good and stable income, he should Linking Words
do
 action to draw attention to his Verb problem
take
business
. Every worker would do his work Use synonyms
good  
if he Change the word
well 
has  
good work conditions, so the businessman has to make these conditions Wrong verb form
had 
such
 as a good salary and a convenient workplace.  Linking Words
Secondly
, the entrepreneur has to connect with the local community and  attract them to his institution Linking Words
for example
, by advertisement or sales for neighbours.
In conclusion, doing Linking Words
business
 is an action for very motivated and confident people ,who are ready for the inconvenience, but if the person can handle it the big incomes won't be far behind Use synonyms
go 
evenVerb problem
apply
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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay to enhance the clarity and coherence of the argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay fully responds to the task prompt, with clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite