The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

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It is true that the main goal of all businesses is to earn money, in my ,opinion there are both positive and negative effects In our ,world the majority of entrepreneurs are in constant competition and they have to do all they can to don't go bankrupt .
Firstly
, it can be known that one of the most popular types of activity in many countries is entrepreneurship,
therefore
, if a person wants to make their own
business
he will face many competitors , who want to become monopolists in the field where he works.
Secondly
, the government often makes its own fences for entrepreneurs through by introduction of new taxes.
For example
, if the average individual wants to
make
Verb problem
start
show examples
his own
business
he will face challenges from both sides : the competitors and the government
On the other hand
, if the businessman wants a good and stable income, he should
do
Verb problem
take
show examples
action to draw attention to his
business
. Every worker would do his work
good
Change the word
well
show examples
if he
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
good work conditions, so the businessman has to make these conditions
such
as a good salary and a convenient workplace.
Secondly
, the entrepreneur has to connect with the local community and attract them to his institution
for example
, by advertisement or sales for neighbours. In conclusion, doing
business
is an action for very motivated and confident people ,who are ready for the inconvenience, but if the person can handle it the big incomes won't be far behind
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
even
Submitted by sashakameka on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay to enhance the clarity and coherence of the argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay fully responds to the task prompt, with clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial sustainability
  • Profit margin
  • Corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • Stakeholder
  • Socio-economic impact
  • Ethical business practices
  • Customer retention
  • Brand loyalty
  • Workforce morale
  • Innovation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Competitive edge
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