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Band 4

It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles, and so on are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #aunts #uncles #child’s #upbringing #parents
Educating
a children
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
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 is not a simple thing perhaps having some help
of
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from
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 the family could make the process
easyer
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easier
. The experience of having different people
saying
Wrong verb form
say
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 what
it
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apply
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is good or bad
on
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for
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 a
child
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child's
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 education can make the
kid
 more
acceptable
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accepting
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 and less selfish.
On the other
hand
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,hand
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 having the grandparents
exposing
Wrong verb form
expose
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 their
lifes
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life
 history can
rapdly increasi
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rapidly increase
 the
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
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 knowledge. It is agreed that
familly
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family
such
 as aunts, uncles and so on involved in the children upbringing is better. Parents can
easly
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easily
 become super protectives with their
childrens
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children
show examples
 in a way that can make the
kid
 selfish and egoist. It is easy to see some kids yelling
to
Change preposition
at
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 their
parentes
Correct your spelling
parents
 at the supermarket just because the parents did not buy something
as
Correct word choice
apply
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they wanted. If
this
kid
 is exposed to someone
besides
 their parents saying no the probability that
this
kid
 yells again reduces a lot. In some way having contact with grandparents is good to show the
kid
a different perspectives
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different perspectives
a different perspective
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 of life and its difficulties. The elderly people in general
passes
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pass
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trough
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through
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 some situations that
provides
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provide
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 knowledge which can be very rich to
a
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apply
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kid
 access.
This
 brings conscience to the
kid
when ever
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whenever
show examples
 they need to decide or think about something. As mentioned the pros of having help in
a
Remove the article
apply
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child
Change noun form
child's
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 education are much more than the cons. Different people talking with the children can make them smarter and provide them with
knowledge
Add an article
the knowledge
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 that can
easly
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easily
 help in the
proccess
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process
 of making life choices.
Submitted by miro.rados on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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