Topic: Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The importance of providing better health information is still debatable since some communities believe medical literacy is a necessary factor in society's well-being.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss why health literacy is becoming crucial in terms of mortality percentage and the nation's economy. Nowadays, health training has become
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
pivotal for citizens in the modern age.
Moreover
Linking Words
, giving people early information on how to maintain their fitness will reduce the mortality rate.
As a result
Linking Words
, many older generations have realized that smoking can be harmful to the body.
For instance
Linking Words
, since 2000, the percentage of cancer deaths has decreased by 40%
due to
Linking Words
Indonesia's government trying to spread more awareness regarding the adverse impact of nicotine on the elderly on Java
island
Capitalize word
Island
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it would be
so
Rephrase
very
show examples
helpful if the government could invest more in strength discipline.
In addition
Linking Words
, improving strength awareness will increase the nation's income.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, strong and healthy youngsters will be more productive and contribute more to the development of a country. Many youths from rural areas who have received fitness information since they were children are
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
eager to pursue their dream
to increase
Change preposition
of increasing
show examples
the wealth of their hometown.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2010, Eastern Economic Journal described that there was a strong connection between healthy graduates and the increment of company revenue in certain economic sectors
such
Linking Words
as mining and telecommunications. In conclusion, nowadays it is
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
vital for the community to understand that strength literacy is necessary. The healthier the citizen, the less the fatality percentage in a nation. Aside from that, the stronger the people, the higher
revenue
Correct article usage
the revenue
show examples
will be produced in a country.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You have provided a clear response to the task, with relevant arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates coherent and cohesive development of ideas, with a clear logical structure, and a well-rounded introduction and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: