IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

People shopping depend more on age group they belong to than other factors to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #age #group #factors
While
 many
people
 believe that shopping directly depends on age group rather than other things like monthly budget, saving etc. In general, lots of new generation follows the recent trend and spend a huge amount of
money
 on clothing.
However
, I completely agree with the fact that it is not valuable for the future to follow shopping trends. First and foremost, every young
people
 whether he or she always prefers to look beautiful and would like to buy new arrival outfits and shoes from a top brand.
Consequently
,
people
 take loans from banks to maintain their high standard of living to gain respect in society rather than simplicity.
For instance
, one of my friends almost wasted 60% income on shopping without any reason.
Additionally
, he was just able to use clothes two to three times and
then
 wasted them in the garbage.
Thus
,
due to
 excessive shopping, now he was in debt and has to pay a big amount of loan to his company.
Secondly
, several mature
people
 suggest that the need for shopping depends on individual choice
instead
 of following other factors. Most
people
 argue that focusing on new clothes and expensive brands like Nike, Addidas and many more brands gives nothing to the person
however
 they lose lots of
money
 on them without any particular circumstances.
For example
, my one of co-workers in a company always purchases used clothes and does less shopping and invests more
money
 in his future like investing in stocks, ETFs etc.
Hence
, we will be more financially independent and free from their home expenses.
To sum up
, the age group is one of the major factors that heavily rely on shopping, spending more
money
 on arrival products.
However
,
such
 investment of
money
 in them does not provide meaningful things in future.
Submitted by khawar512 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: