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Band 4.5

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
Nowadays, some parents demand their children work hard on their studies. These days` youngsters lack spare time and are under a myriad of
control
Fix the agreement mistake
controls
show examples
 to be responsible for their studies. The problem of
this
 issue and appropriate solutions will be provided in the following essay. One possible reason for
this
 issue is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the competition between
students
 to get a place at the
university
.The required grade is very high.Many
students
 need to study for years to own a seat in a good
university
.
For instance
, only 10% of
students
 can get a place at a high-ranked
university
.
This
 problem can be solved if universities start to look for talented
students
 more than their grades.Some
students
 have low grades despite the fact that they are incredibly talented. By doing
this
,
students
 will ensure receive what they deserve. Another reason for
this
 issue is that finding a good job
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 harder than it used to be in the old days.In the past, the number of
university
 graduate
students
 was lower than now. Everyone could find a job.
The thing
Correct your spelling
Things
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 changed since
then
.
For example
, companies ask for more qualifications and experience.A
university
 degree is not enough anymore.
Students
 need to study more about different things.One solution is to impose the companies to expire every student that has the ability to do the job.
Moreover
, it gives
this
university
 graduate student the chance to improve their ability without concentrating on other unnecessary things. In conclusion,I can say that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should pay attention talent of
students
 rather than the grades of the
university
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the topic but lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are somewhat supported, but the essay needs more specific examples to fully address the task.
task achievement
The essay partially responds to the task, providing relevant ideas but lacking clear examples and a comprehensive treatment of the topic. The response would benefit from stronger argumentation and clearer development of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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