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Band 5

Many people believe that spending a lot of money on celebrations (birthdays/weddings) is a waste of money. Others believe that it is important for the individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #celebrations #birthdays #weddings #waste #individuals #society
In the modern era,Birthdays and
marriages
 are
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of those special days which bring joy
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
people
's lives.
According to
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
generation
Add a comma
,generation
show examples
 it is
Correct article usage
a wastage
show examples
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
 to spend more on these occasions but
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 generation still thinks
this
Change preposition
of this
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 their symbol of status,
whereas
 I think it is not important to impress
people
 by wasting
money
.In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 we will discuss both views and my point of view.
To begin
 with,nowadays,
due to
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 expensive
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 jobs it is very hard for
people
 to earn their livelihood and these special occasions require a huge amount of
money
 on decorations,
arrangements
Correct word choice
and arrangements
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 food, so couples
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 it is a
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of their earnings.
For example
, after finishing
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
, it is hard for youngsters to earn
money
 for their daily expenses as of more population,they get
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 jobs. So it becomes stressful for them to arrange big
marriages
 and birthday parties and they go for private and less expensive celebrations.
On the other hand
,
people
 in the previous years
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that spending a lot of
money
 on their children's
marriages
 shows how rich they are, which increases their importance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Moreover
, in the old times, they used to have more sources of income and everything was affordable, so they wanted to spend their lifetime income on these special days.
For instance
, after watching famous
celebrities's
Remove the s
celebrities'
show examples
 big wedding celebrations,
people
 wanted to get fame in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, so they think it is important for the individual as it is a symbol of status. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 reckon that a lot of
money
 expenditure on
marriages
 and birthdays is not necessary,
instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
people
 should put
this
money
 in their children's bank accounts as day by day it is getting hard to live in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 expensive surroundings.
To conclude
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
although
 some
people
realizes
Correct subject-verb agreement
realize
show examples
 the importance of
money
 and try to save it for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
, yet, others still
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 it is important to spend their savings on big celebrations and live in the present. In my opinion, one should consider the value of their hard earnings and should choose small and cheaper ways of
joys
Fix the agreement mistake
joy
show examples
.
Submitted by harnitkaur6111 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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