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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having les time to concentrate on their as well as feelingunder pressure. what are some of the causes of this ? what solutions could you suggest?

#students #work #whilst #college #university #results #time #feelingunder #pressure
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Nowadays it's a trend that
students
work
while
 they are studying at college or university.
And
Correct word choice
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result they could not concentrate on their education.In
this
 ,
an
Correct article usage
apply
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essay I am discussing some causes of
this
 problem and suggest solutions. it is obvious, that today our education system is very expensive that's why so many
students
work
in per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
 to fulfilling their expenses.
As a result
 they less concentrate
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their study.
For example
, In foreign ,land
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 very challenging for admission who come from other countries.they face lots of problems regarding money.So they start per
time
job
.
On the other hand
, by doing a
job
 student gets working experience .In future that helps when they get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job
.
for example
,if the student
getting
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
job
to
Change preposition
at
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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college or university
then
 get
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 experience and they save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
 . The government should help or loan the student who is not able to financially strong. In my opinion, part-
time
work
 is not harmful unless they less concentrate on their education.If the
students
 are eligible for
work
 that could be great for their future. In conclusion,Government should give some facilities
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
students
.
students
 our future so they have to complete their studies without any
complecation
Correct your spelling
complication
complications
.
Submitted by hindolroy7 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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