IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or lack of money. others argue that it is better to try and improve such conditions discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Many people think it is better to stay in an uncomfortable situation
such
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 as a lack of money or an unfulfilling job.
However
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, others believe that you should try to improve your
life
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the two views and state that I completely agree with the latter view.
To begin
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 with, those who believe that staying where
life
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 puts them will benefit them think that
this
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life
Use synonyms
 is their fate. They believe that they are destined to a role in
life
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 and that role might be how to deal with difficulties the way they are.
For example
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, some adults stay in their first job even if it is an unfulfilling one as a form of remaining in their comfort zone.
On the other hand
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, I personally believe that People who are willing to change their lives for the better understand that they need to take responsibility and improve their financial conditions
in addition
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 to their career prospects.
That is
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 because they know in their hearts that any individual can have the ability to improve any area of their
life
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 if they put in the time and effort which is required to do so.
For instance
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, Oprah Winfrey was rejected from several jobs before starting her own talk show. In conclusion,
Although
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 some might believe that you have to accept what
life
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 gives you, others know the importance of creating your own narrative. I am a vehement supporter of the notion of improving your
life
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 and embracing new opportunities.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion need to be clear and effectively summarise your entire essay. The absence of these critical components could lead to a misunderstanding of your arguments and overall message. It's imperative to include a clear introduction that introduces the topic and your thesis, as well as a conclusion that succinctly summarises your main points and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
It is important to ensure that your main points are supported by detailed examples or explanations. While you have provided an example with Oprah Winfrey, more detailed support for each view would strengthen your argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic. Aim to include at least two detailed examples per viewpoint in your discussion.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, it is necessary to discuss both views equally and present a clear position throughout the essay. Your essay leans more towards advocating for one viewpoint over the other, without sufficiently discussing the opposing perspective. Strive to offer balanced considerations for both sides and interweave your own opinion within the discussion to align with the prompt's requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • accept a bad situation
  • lack of money
  • unsatisfactory job
  • emotional ease
  • reduces stress
  • unknown
  • extra effort
  • stable aspects
  • financial instability
  • career prospects
  • personal growth
  • job satisfaction
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • proactively seeking change
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