IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As well as money, social responsibilities should consider in business. Do you agree?

#money #responsibilities #business
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Several companies now they are required personal
information
Use synonyms
 when applicants fill in the application. some people believe that
this
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 isn't necessary ,
on the other hand
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, it is helpful to hire the right candidates. Primarily each company has different preferences and policies ,
therefore
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 when they hire staff personal
information
Use synonyms
is apply
Change the verb form
applies
show examples
 essential for hiring the right staff.
For example
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, in the hospitality industry, they prefer outgoing workers rather than others because they need to take care of their customers with a positive mind and their personalities can be found in their hobbies and interests.
Moreover
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 working in
this
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 industry sometimes, they are required to work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
late at night or early morning so the person who is married and has
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
offspring might not be suitable for
this
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 kind of occupation.
However
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, giving too much personal
information
Use synonyms
 can be directly exposed apply several issues.
For example
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, there are plenty of companies that have been robbed of their valuable data and the one is personal
information
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 of their workers and which is directly linked to being exposed to different types of crimes
moreover
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, it is unfair to judge apply applicants only for their personal
information
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such
Linking Words
 as hobbies and preferences, imagine if someone fills in a form without genuine
information
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, no one knows each personality until they work together. In conclusion, providing personal
information
Use synonyms
 is an essential way to identify themselves and help both apply applicants and employers but, if too much
information
Use synonyms
 provides, plenty of issues will be followed.
Submitted by wndqls1234 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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