Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness.

Nowadays many
people
think
money
important
Add a missing verb
is important
show examples
to
life
and they think that a lot of
money
can change their lives.
Such
as
people
that like
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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money
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think only accumulation of
money
and
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is an important part of
life
to earn
money
. Yes, it is true, because a lot of
money
can open any door and
solved
Wrong verb form
solve
show examples
all problems but first of all, I believe it is not true that wealth is associated with a person’s happiness. They think if they do not earn much
money
and they can not
by
Correct your spelling
buy
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expensive cars or
multistorey
Correct your spelling
multi-storey
show examples
buildings.
On the other hand
,
people
can live without earning much
money
and without thinking about expensive cars or beautiful houses. They do not think only about
money
.
Firstly
they think about their health and responsible work.
Secondly
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,Secondly
show examples
they think about their family and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
they will not spend their whole
life saving
Add a hyphen
life-saving
show examples
money
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
they earn some
money
for one day.
Such
money
enough
Add a missing verb
is enough
show examples
for one day
For instance
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
would agree that the residents of developing countries feel much more
pleasurable
Replace the word
pleased
show examples
in
life
.
As a result
, they spend their lives like
this
. Citizens can live without much
money
and
this
is not bad. Residents live well without much
money
.
Moreover
, having good health and a peaceful
life
brings
people
great satisfaction.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Promoting happiness
  • Essential factors
  • Financial stability
  • Material wealth
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Contentment
  • Basic needs
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Social connections
  • Pursuing passions
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Spiritual practices
  • Personal growth
  • Community service
  • Societal contribution
  • Philanthropy
  • Joy
  • Satisfaction
  • Prosperity
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