IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #sugar #cane #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given diagram features the process of
sugar
 manufacturing using
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
. As the document shows, there are 7 stages to
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
. From the first step to the second step, human
labors
Change the spelling
labours
show examples
 are the sufficient point of planting. Compare to those previous steps, the rest of
steps
Correct article usage
the steps
show examples
 are mostly required for machines to change the plants to
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
. Analysing each process in short,
the first step is
 planting
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 for 12 to 18 months. And
then
 the worker should harvest them. After finishing the harvest, machines take
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 role of making juices by crushing
sugar
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
. The juice will be purified by
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
show examples
 filter and for making it
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the form of syrup,
Correct article usage
an evaportator
show examples
evaportator
Correct your spelling
evaporation
 is asked for
this
 process.The syrup from
juice
Correct article usage
the juice
show examples
 would be changed one time more to the different type using centrifuges which isolate
sugar
 crystals. After the stage of making the liquid
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solid, the
sugar
 should be needed for drying and cooling down. By going through those several processes, the
sugar
 cane becomes the real
sugar
 which we use
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 in our kitchen.
Submitted by ruanmystic on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, canes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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