IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #visitors #person #visit #attractions #country
Many think that foreign
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 should be given different
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 than
local
Add an article
a local
the local
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
, and it should be more expensive for
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
.
This
 essay agrees with the statement and will try to explain the reason behind it.
To begin
 with, if a country can make
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
 to spent
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
money
 when visiting the country, it will be beneficial for the
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
. That’s why many
countries
 nowadays, try to develop more in their
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
place
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it will be elevating
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 economy.
For example
,
local
Add an article
a local
show examples
 resident in Bali, Indonesia
depends
Add the preposition
ondepends
show examples
 much
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 foreign tourist that
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 to Bali. The more foreign
people
 come to visit Bali, the more
money
 local resident will get. Another reason is,
people
 that
come
Correct pronoun usage
who come
show examples
visit
Fix the infinitive
to visit
show examples
 another country, are
people
 that have financially stable and
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to spend
money
while
 travelling. They not just
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 for pleasure only, but to get a new experience that cannot be seen in their origin
countries
.
Furthermore
, maintaining a historic
place
, or
Correct article usage
a tourism
show examples
Correct article usage
a tourism
show examples
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
place
 is not cheap. Government need a lot of
money
 to do that. For that occasion, it is necessary for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to set a different
price
 for
Add an article
a foreigner
show examples
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
 when they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
visit.
Change noun form
Writer
show examples
Writer’s
Correct article usage
The writer’s
show examples
 believes that it is not a big concern for foreign
people
, because when visiting a historical
place
, like Borobudur or Prambanan temple, they cannot see anything the same in their
countries
, so it will
worth
Add a missing verb
be worth
show examples
 the
price
. In conclusion,
this
 essay agrees that
foreigner
Fix the agreement mistake
foreigners
show examples
 should pay more
price
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 when visiting historical and cultural
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, not only it will be beneficial for maintaining the site, but
also
 gives a new experience that can be seen in their
countries
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: