Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

There are many activities that young
people
do in their leisure time,
one
Correct word choice
and one
show examples
of the most
favored
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favoured
show examples
is shopping.
This
essay will try to describe what is the cause of
this
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
However
,
writer
Add an article
the writer
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believes that socializing with friends or doing physical
activity
should
be encourage
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be encouraging
be encouraged
show examples
more
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
.
To begin
with, young
people
likes to go to the shopping mall or other store because they
influenced
Add a missing verb
are influenced
show examples
by celebrities or
other popular brand
Change the wording
another popular brand
other popular brands
show examples
.
In addition
to that, many popular brands nowadays
offering
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
many discounts and choices of products that can easily
attracts
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attract
show examples
people
’s attention. There are so many advertisements going around
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
social media or in the street, that really easy to be seen by many
people
. Another important reason why youth like to go shopping is the pleasure to have the latest
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology or trend.
This
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
makes
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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like
go
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to go
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going around in their free time, just to explore what is the latest trend these days. Even though shopping may be an enjoyable
activity
, youth these days should
be encourage
Change the verb form
be encouraging
be encouraged
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
to do
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
useful
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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that can improve their skill or health.
For example
, doing physical
activity
like doing sport or gym might develop their health. Another choice of
activity
is joining a community or
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
volunteer that might develop their social skill
as well as
communication
Add an article
a communication
show examples
skill. In conclusion, the main reason why youth nowadays like to go shopping in their free time is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
there are so many advertisements from brands
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
celebrities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
offering many discounts, and
also
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
needed
Replace the word
need
show examples
to access the latest
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology.
However
, they should encourage to do
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
advantageous
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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like doing some sport or joining
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
to do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-development, to raise their value.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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