Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

There are many activities that young
people
do in their leisure time,
one
Correct word choice
and one
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of the most
favored
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favoured
show examples
is shopping.
This
essay will try to describe what is the cause of
this
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
However
,
writer
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the writer
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believes that socializing with friends or doing physical
activity
should
be encourage
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be encouraging
be encouraged
show examples
more
to
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
.
To begin
with, young
people
likes to go to the shopping mall or other store because they
influenced
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are influenced
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by celebrities or
other popular brand
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another popular brand
other popular brands
show examples
.
In addition
to that, many popular brands nowadays
offering
Wrong verb form
offer
show examples
many discounts and choices of products that can easily
attracts
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attract
show examples
people
’s attention. There are so many advertisements going around
in
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on
show examples
social media or in the street, that really easy to be seen by many
people
. Another important reason why youth like to go shopping is the pleasure to have the latest
of
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apply
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technology or trend.
This
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
makes
they
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them
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like
go
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to go
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going around in their free time, just to explore what is the latest trend these days. Even though shopping may be an enjoyable
activity
, youth these days should
be encourage
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be encouraging
be encouraged
show examples
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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to do
more
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a more
the more
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useful
activity
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activities
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that can improve their skill or health.
For example
, doing physical
activity
like doing sport or gym might develop their health. Another choice of
activity
is joining a community or
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
volunteer that might develop their social skill
as well as
communication
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a communication
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skill. In conclusion, the main reason why youth nowadays like to go shopping in their free time is
because
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that
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there are so many advertisements from brands
until
Correct word choice
and
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celebrities
,
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apply
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while
offering many discounts, and
also
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
needed
Replace the word
need
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to access the latest
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology.
However
, they should encourage to do
different
Add an article
a different
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advantageous
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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like doing some sport or joining
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
to do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-development, to raise their value.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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